Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
