hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
