Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
