This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
