Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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