i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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