I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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