There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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