You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
