She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you never un-have a 4some
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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