Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
