I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
