so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
