I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
