I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
