Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
