I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
