and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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