somebody snuck up and got me drunk
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
