It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
