This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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