matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
