A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
