she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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