Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
