Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
