I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
