there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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