God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
