yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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