I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I woke up under a house in Key West
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