So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
