what day is it and did you see me today?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
