I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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