i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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