We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
