I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There r osticjed everywhere
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
