it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
