There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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