okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
