I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
