so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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