Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
