The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
