I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
