Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
