She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
