The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
