Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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