My friends, they love my intelligence
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
