What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
