if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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