Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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