ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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