Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
