Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
