i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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