just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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