Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
