so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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