So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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