Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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